My psychotic periods which are in control now, had taken me to a very risky edges on my life .the last one left me for 5 month in a hospital, cause i committed overdose, in there i contagious of pneumonia and after i was recovering from the overdose and Pneumonia they close me on a psychiatric floor negligently and i almost dye asphyxiated, i implored help and they just said if keep faking we will lock you on a dark room, so after three hours of short of breath i decided to fall on the floor, i got unconscious right away and after i wake up on ICU again with a breathing tube for my comfort the doctor offered me to perform a tracheotomy and i accepted since i could not tolerate the breathing tube any longer.They performed a tracheotomy on February 24 and since than i have talk only 3 times cause i lost my voice .They will perform a more profound surgery on September, 2011 and the goals are me to talk again and use a T- tube which will expand or dilate my airway and allow me to breath through my nose and mouse.
I never committed an attempt to damage a flower in this life as example i was a sensitive deeply compassionate woman from Chile, even though in Canada i became see money more important i never wanted to give it a priority in my life i wanted to keep my heart and see the human side and not the number side in humans.In contrast this attitude did not help out to the main issues of that my life with a mental illness.I was admitted to the hospital on January 25, 2011 and i was discharged on the first week of June many things occurred but the more important and i would like to pointed out is the tracheotomy performed on February -24- 2011 three days before this tracheotomy i was recovering from a Pneumonia i got after the overdose in the hospital, cause i was admitted with overdose plus i had some sore throat for the cold winter cigarettes outside etc...this symptom got worse with the intubation cause more germs entered through my airway and became a Pneumonia.After a month i was recovering from pneumonia out of the ICU on 4 floor on Toronto north york general hospital with all the vital supplies in there as suction Oxygen i was learning how to cope with my symptoms cause my airway was full of flame and it was really difficult for me to breath at times kind of scary but even though i was not so encourage to live for myself i wanted to live and give a fight for my love ones whom demonstrated to me so much devotion at those moments i convinced myself that the desire to have a real life it went to come by itself and i should not feel awkward because i did not have, all was in my mind was to learn to cope my breathing problems and stand a little bit more taking baby steps.But the delusions and hallucinations came for two nights and i could not sleep properly for those nights and three more days at the fifth day a psychologist came and persuaded me to move to a floor for mental illness patients.She said the stuff went to take care of me properly much better than where i was because they were specialist, since i did not wanted to make my mom sleep over beside my bed anymore i accepted.They did not do any previous check out on me, no doctor no nurse no one they took action and move me, to 7 floor, as soon as i get there i regretted be in there cause the walls of the room were empty just two bed in the room, in other words not-supplies for my vital necessities.The back of my sore through was downsized at times i was not able to throw my secretions out, the secretions blocked my airway and i rely on suction to bring them out sometimes i did not have more force to cough and the secretions blocked the trachea and i applied oxygen through my nose.i explained this concerns to the nurse in charge of me on that moment i arrived to 7 floor, after to the psychologist who referred me there and i started to get frustrated cause they did not seem to believe and understand the consequences of letting me there for one night with not supplies, plus there were rules, parents could not stay over, i was not sure of psychotics symptoms will bother that night but more closely to sure about breathing problems, i implored understanding in the condition i was pleased asked to come back to my 4 floor with my supplies, But i felt them cold, like speaking with robots, kind of rude and they determinately left me there with the concern of my doctor in charge from four floor and that psychiatrist both guilty i believe.For that night in that room with an open door, a stranger on the bed beside me with mental issues too and i had a very low voice cause of my intubations and the flames on my airway, difficult to make myself understood.Plus psychotics patients walking by my door open, i was scare of them.After my parents left at 11 that night i tried to accommodate myself to left my airway comfortable to breath but it was impossible the atmosphere plus the lungs with flames started to giving me troubles coughing just move the secretions inside my airway but never came enough up to try to spit them with not suction machine it was a big deal and i begun tried by myself my life was at risk, it did not work, i started to get nervous to come to that point, i wake up to ask for help a lady on the hall from the counter told me to come back to sleep that nothing bad will happen, i did not question her mind even i was feeling awful, since it was difficult for me to talk i did not bother to convince her i was feeling seriously in trouble, on the room again i prayed for my life and i decided not to try to sleep cause i could not put my mind on sleep and breathing properly, i just wanted to felt my airway comfortable, but i started to get short of breath and this part was intrinsic difficult but started slowly, with oxygen on hands my airway would have been stimulated on time to dilate the via, as usual, happened on 4 floor and the situation would have not get worse.After one hour of this uncomfortable short of breath i use the call bell on the wall for help, a person came he said he was the nurse in charge of me until the morning, with no confidence i asked for help since none there give me a hand in the previous hours i thought this man nurse either but in difficulty with my low voice i pleased him Oxygen.He said; ``you seem fine if you keep awake, faking and calling for help i will put you in a dark lock room and he left``.i got desperate my breath was getting short and short each second and i decided to find a phone and call my family, the halls were empty and i tried to hide from this man nurse for his threat, a label on the wall said phone lines are working in twenty minutes more it was a sign of help if i could contact my family as soon as this phone worked out, those 20 minutes i would fight for my life alone, after those 20 minutes i contacted my sister, she arrived 20 minutes after when i saw her on the hall walking toward me i did not have more forces i could not stand for my life anymore i felt on her feet and she came with help, after i do not remember nothing more, until i wake up on ICU again in-tubated.i can not described the cold pain my spirit felt at that moment all the events that led me to that circumtances, on the top my mental illness for five consecutive years disgusted me to the point of the overdose, ICU where the treatment was fair, but after a bit of hell on four floor to finish in negligently, uncaring, and psychopath treatment toward myself on seven floor.
I knew my oxygen levels went down to 82 or less and my airway downsized so to keep me alive they in-tubated me quickly again.After two days a tracheotomy was performed, ones to abolish the uncomfortable of the tube for myself and two to avoid damage to my vocal cords and my airway.The side effects after this tracheotomy were pain, i felt like Jesus with the crown of needles on my neck, i did not wanted to move of pain, and i completely lost of voice.After a few weeks i was move to 8 floor and in there they downsized the trach to number 6 i came back to talk again for three days, but i talk too much that i caused my voice collapsed.it was the end of March.And from there become difficult to stand for myself since i could not talk at all and i found there incapable stuff that enjoy and make a life by playing mind games with patients infringed them to depressed states since this patients were in need of their services and they did not approached professionally, since for deferents reasons as incapability, unacknowledged or moody they did not care, in my own experience with them they almost make me crazy in mental and emotional wellness i really felt with enemies at times(even one time i got short of breath, my oxygen level went down to 70 for all the stress i felt at that place).
i can recall a million of incapable and negligent stuff i saw and lived on North York General Hospital but i will reserve my memories to course them on the right truck to be able to avoid free suffering for patients and to make justice.The one thing i am grateful for with north york general hospital is that they did not charged me for TV services, but they do charge me for Oxygen a basic need for humans.
Thanks to nature and universe wisdom i survived to my personal inflected damage i tried to provoked to my self (with pills) and afterward the negligence of many stuff during my hospitalization, specially the doctor on charge for me on 4 floor who approved to move me to another facility with no supplies, the psychologist who referred me, and all the robots professionals on seven floor whom did not have any touch of humanity with me.But also i feel a purpose in my life presently and my mental issues are 97% controlled that i can make a normal life.